Friday, 4 December 2009

What a Balls Up!

Hahaha: this is funny as fuck!

ZaNuLiebore and their hatchet-man Alastair Campbell have blown the dog-whistles and declared it open season on class war, pointing and laughing at top toffs Cameron and Osborne and Johnson. Bullingdon Club. Hooray Henries. And so forth.

All jolly japes and high jinks.

Now MotCO is no god-botherer, but as winner of my institutional learning facility's Divinity prize 3 years running, I am reminded of Matthew 7:5. Best in the King James version:

Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.

You see, bug-eyed Secretary of State for Children, Schools and Families, Mr Ed Balls has been outed as one of the chaps. As Guido Fawkes reports, after leaving his expensive fee-paying school in Nottingham, said Balls was installed at posh toffs' Keble College, Oxford, where he wasted little time in:

(1) Joining the Oxford University Conservative Association, and

(2) Signing up to a notorious all-male drinking club known as 'The Steamers'

Here is said Balls, whooping it up at some initiation rite whilst clad in full Nazi regalia and contemplating the buttocks of a close pal...

But he's not just an arse man. He goes for tits, too (Ed's the chap on the right)

All good sporting fun for these public school and Oxbridge educated toffs, eh? Quite reminds me of my own days at the other place!

Thursday, 3 December 2009

The Shipping News

So. A motley crew of scruffy sailors from the Middle East was found drifting in British territorial waters last week, without the requisite permits and what have you. Happy to say that the appropriate authorities took them into custody for a few days where they were asked a bunch of questions about what they were up to, and a small investigation was launched to see if the story checked out. Turns out they were kosher, had just got lost while looking for Ireland, released a few days later, no hard feelings.

Good on you coastguard chaps! Can't be too careful, these days.


Mea culpa: a little too much Amontillado with breakfast. Got the whole thing arse about tit. Sorry!

Turns out they were British sailors taken into custody by Iranian authorities.

Well that just proves it! These people are no more than warmongering savages! Hell-bent on destabilising the region and starting World War 3 with their ceaseless provocations!

Tiger Woods Family Christmas Card 2009!

Sunday, 29 November 2009

Deaf News

I have just watched the news with signing for deaf people.

The poor woman doing the sign language just had to give up after 3 attempts at signing Cockermouth.


Apparently they're now having terrible flooding problems in the South Yorkshire town of Penistone

Money, That's What I Want

All this fuss about thieving MPs and their abuse of the expenses system.

One sees the Labourites, having dragged themselves up by the bootstraps and still hip to the mores of the working man, putting in for a Remembrance Day wreath here, a tin of corned beef and 10 Benson there. The Tories generally had a far better handle on the opportunities on offer, what with their duck houses and moats and mood lighting and Bang and Olufsen stereo systems for the stables.

But the whole thing suggests to me a lamentable lack of ambition. The rest of the world must be pointing and laughing at this shower of craven milksops.

For example, those African chaps know how to make a few quid out of a decent government job. General Sani Abacha, de facto president of Nigeria from 1993 until 1998, is reputed to have mulcted the public purse of some US$ 3–4 billion in but 5 years. Now that's proper troughing, Mr Elliot Morley MP.

Closer to home, Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi has this week been voted 'Rock Star of the Year' by Rolling Stone magazine in homage to his debauched antics with an array of models, aspirant actresses, plain old tarts and foot-worshipping lesbians. Partying the night away in a manner that would have caused Caligula the odd moment of self-reflection.

Commenting on the fact that the 73-year old had been chosen unanimously by the panel for the prestigious award, Editor Carlo Antonelli observed:

'This year the choice was unanimous, for his obvious merits due to a lifestyle for which the words "rock 'n roll" fall short. Rod Stewart, Brian Jones, Keith Richards in their prime were schoolboys compared to him.'

73! And the fellow couldn't be more popular in his native land. Hell, if I were elected leader I'd behave just like that. And more besides. Scenes that the brush of Hieronymous Bosch would have hesitated to paint. Whoo yeah! Otherwise, what's the point?

British politicians would do well to take note. Forget bailing out banks and allocating more money to the cleaning of festering hospital cesspools. A little more blowing the loot on cocaine-fuelled orgies with an array of crack whores and Gordon Brown and his madcap crew of crazy funsters would be a shoo-in for the next election.

Saturday, 21 November 2009

An Eye for an Eye

Those Saudis don't fuck about, popular wisdom would have it.

The party line runs roughly thus: ruthless application of Sharia law means some pretty condign punishments for breaking the waves. Shoplifting hummous? They'll lop your hand off, without so much as a pre-sentence report.

But I'm not so sure.

Take the case of Muhammed Basheer al-Ramaly. Murdering paedophile, so to let the punishment fit the crime, the authorities have decided that he's going to be publicly beheaded with a sword, crucified, and have his head stuck on a pole pour encourager les autres.

Call that an execution? Whatever happened to chopping off his tackle, sticking it in his mouth first?

Wednesday, 18 November 2009


OK you crazy cats.

Latest random long playing record is a thing called "Oh Scorpio" by a jazz beat combo that style themselves 'The Films". Fucking stupid name for a band, for a myriad reasons, but bear with me here.

Great retro sleeve, great sound! The sort of cynical yet up for it indie pop that gets MotCO playing and playing on the tortured and ill-used iPod. A serious candidate for my Record of the Year*.

Imagine, if you will, a cross between the Arctic Monkeys and the Cars, with a singer that has a twang (when affecting pain) of that fellow out of the Killers. Back when they used to be good.

You can hear some of this fine stuff here.

It's a fucking great record, but 2 things really bug me.

First, in this age of instant information, I can't find jack shit about this lot. Seriously. A wikipedia ferret-around finally gets this. It's all in sodding Greek!

Second: no publicity. No fanfare. Even Amazon seem scarcely to have heard of them. WTF?

Ah, but ranting about the music industry is a fool's game. That is why lowest common denominator wank prevails.

Unless it's something to do with decent bands apparently craving anonymity.

*An awards ceremony in Finchley awaits, with balloons, jelly, and last year's copy of The Supreme Court Practice for the lucky winner